Friday, August 14, 2009

Grammar question?????

1) When two hours had passed, he had rushed to the recruitment center, eager for results. "Well, I have checked all of your paperwork and they appear to be valid,” said the old man. Overwhelmed with excitement, Drake looked as if he was about to get a head start to the castle.

or

2) When two hours had passed, he had rushed to the recruitment center, eager for results. "Well, I have checked all of your paperwork and they appear to be valid,” said the old man.

Overwhelmed with excitement, Drake looked as if he was about to get a head start to the castle.

Answer on Grammar question?????

Neither of these.

When two hours had passed, he rushed to the recruitment center, eager for results.

"Well, I have checked all of your paperwork and it appears to be valid,” said the old man. Overwhelmed with excitement, Drake looked as if he was about to get a head start to the castle.

(You need to start a new paragraph with dialogue. And that last bit doesn't make sense to me. How does someone look like they are about to get a head start? How about: About to get a head start to the castle, Drake looked overwhelmed with excitement.)