Thursday, November 6, 2003

Can you proofread my essay, please???

Along with proofreading and correcting it, can you please help me conclude this essay? Thanks a lot.

Here it is:

After seeing a newspaper ad for a villa for rent, the women set about finding two other ladies to share expenses. Joining Rose and Lottie for this vacation is Mrs. Fisher, an older woman living in the past, and Lady Carolyn Dester, a society beauty tired of being viewed as a splendid statue. The surprise from the beauty of the surroundings, the peace of the place, the love and true understand that Lottie displays, changes Carolyn Dester’s life, which was not so simple at all. Small changes, such as: the beauty of the surroundings, the peace of the place, the fact that she it not the center of attention, and the love and true understanding of her that Lottie displays, all lead to major changes in Carolyn Dester’s life, influencing her outlook, mood and personality in life.
The tranquil beauty of the surroundings and the peace of the place rejuvenate Carolyn Dester’s personality. Carolyn Dester’s state of mind changes based on her direct surroundings.
Surrounded by fig and olive trees, Carolyn slowly recognizes the emptiness of her life. Carolyn is able to realize the emptiness in her life because she went from a chaotic state to a more serene less stressful place. No drama, sirens, people and just soothing air and beauty in your surroundings. It changes the chemical make-up of the brain to a more peaceful feeling. Carolyn’s more happier and calmer state of mind changes her simple life. This more happier and calmer state of mind re-opens her heart to love and friendship.
Before Carolyn came to Italy, she cared way too much about her outer looks and how other people perceived the way she looked. She loved only her self. But, when she came to Italy, she realized that she wasted too much time being beautiful. She is tired of being gawked at like a majestic statue, not allowed to be human. Instead of being known as a scrap, she’d rather be much more appreciated and loved. She’d rather not be the centre of attention. By not being the centre of attention, Carolyn realizes that she isn’t anymore special than Lottie or Rose. By not being the centre of attention, you’ll probably have more opinions on topics and look at things from a different angle.
Carolyn experiences real friendship and acceptance that can occur between women. Lottie is appreciating her for her inward beauty not outward and isn’t trying to get anything from Carolyn. Carolyn accepts this true friendship in spite of her wish to be alone. It is probably the greatest feeling in the world to find someone who understands you and can relate to what you go through, it assures you that you are not alone and helps you keep your sanity. Befriending Carolyn really changes the way she feels. The more aware of your feelings you are, the more conscious choices you will be making in life.
People change from different things in life at different times, due to different circumstances, and it affects everyone differently.

Answer on Can you proofread my essay, please???

OK, how many women are there? Your intro implies at least four, but you only mention three.

Use some pronouns in place of "Carolyn" all the time and you say "the beauty of the surroundings" and "The peace of the place" too much. Find other phrases.

Leave out "more" ... Carolyn's happier and calmer state of mind ...

You need to put Italy in the intro, you just toss it in later, we don't know she's IN Italy!

Herself is one word.

Your phrasing is awkward in places. Try reading it aloud and you'll be able to smooth it out.

All in all, not a bad effort and KUDOS to you for attempting your work and then posting it here rather than asking us to do it for you!

Why is Spartacus considered a legend?

Answer on Why is Spartacus considered a legend?

Died 71 B.C.. Thracian gladiator who led a slave revolt in Italy (73-71). He defeated Roman armies in southern Italy, but his forces were crushed at Lucania (71), where Spartacus was killed and many of his troops were crucified.

A gladiator defeating the Roman legions at any time becomes an immediate legend. That he died without really achieving anything does not sully his fight for freedom.